Distance through mood
In English, politeness sits mostly in the main clause: "Could you …", "I was wondering if …". In Italian the subordinate clause often carries politeness too. The congiuntivo moves a request away from a plain instruction: it becomes a wish, a possibility, a careful question. That sounds formal and respectful, at work, in shops, with strangers.
Vorrei che mi aiutasse con questa pratica.
I'd like you to help me with this paperwork.
Volevo chiederLe se fosse possibile spostare l'appuntamento.
I wanted to ask you whether it might be possible to move the appointment.
Non che io voglia insistere, ma aspetto ancora una risposta.
Not that I want to push, but I'm still waiting for an answer.
Four polite patterns
Vorrei che: a request as a wish
Instead of giving an instruction, you state what you'd like. After vorrei che comes the congiuntivo imperfetto.
Vorrei che controllasse di nuovo la fattura.
I'd ask you to check the invoice again.
Se in an indirect question
In an indirect question with se, both the indicative and the congiuntivo are possible. The congiuntivo sounds more reserved and formal. It's especially polite together with volevo chiedere or mi chiedevo.
Mi chiedevo se avesse un momento per me.
I was wondering if you might have a moment for me.
Volevo sapere se la camera fosse ancora libera.
I wanted to know whether the room was still available.
Non che: softening an objection
Non che + congiuntivo heads off a possible reproach before the real point follows with ma. It works like English "Not that …".
Non che mi dispiaccia aiutarti, ma oggi proprio non posso.
Not that I mind helping you, but today I really can't.
Non vorrei che: voicing a concern gently
With non vorrei che you express a worry without accusing anyone.
Non vorrei che il direttore si offendesse.
I wouldn't want the director to take offence.
Which tone when?
A direct question is polite enough in most situations. Use the congiuntivo when you need more distance: with bosses, clients, public offices, or when your request is awkward.
Same request
Direct: everyday, colleagues
Mi manda il file entro domani?
Will you send me the file by tomorrow?
La sala è libera giovedì?
Is the room free on Thursday?
With congiuntivo: distance, respect
Vorrei che mi mandasse il file entro domani.
I'd ask you to send me the file by tomorrow.
Volevo chiederLe se la sala fosse libera giovedì.
I wanted to ask whether the room might be free on Thursday.
