A dial, not a switch
On every sensitive topic you choose a point on a scale: the blunt word, the plain word, a gentle paraphrase, a vague cover-up. The right point depends on who you are talking to and what they need to understand. Too blunt hurts; too soft and the message does not arrive, or it sounds like you are hiding something.
English speakers tend to set the dial softer than Germans. Passed away is everyday English; its German equivalent sounds formal. The plain gestorben is entirely respectful in German, as long as the sentence around it is warm.
Death on the dial
| Register | Where it fits |
|---|---|
| crude, jokey | not about someone the listener mourns |
| plain, respectful | conversation, condolences, news |
| formal | letters, official texts: der verstorbene Herr Krause |
| solemn | death notices, eulogies |
Setting consideration
Rücksicht in German rarely comes from a softer noun. It comes from the frame: an opening that acknowledges the person, a Konjunktiv II, a question instead of a statement. The fact itself can stay clear.
Clear fact, careful frame
Es tut mir sehr leid, dass dein Vater gestorben ist. Wenn du reden willst, bin ich da.
I'm so sorry your father has died. If you want to talk, I'm here.
condolence to a friend: plain verb, warm frame
Darf ich fragen, in welchem Rahmen sich das Gehalt bewegt?
May I ask what sort of salary range we're talking about?
money is a taboo topic in German small talk; the question asks permission first
Ihre Blutwerte sind gut, aber Ihr Gewicht belastet die Gelenke.
Your blood results are good, but your weight is putting strain on your joints.
a doctor: no softening of Gewicht, but praise first and a reason
Wo kann ich mir hier die Hände waschen?
Where can I wash my hands?
a polite way to ask for the toilet as a guest
Avoiding euphemism on purpose
When the listener has to act on the news, a cover word does damage. Bad news at work, price increases and safety problems are the classic cases. Here the C2 skill is to name the thing and put the consideration into the sentence around it.
Hiding or telling
Hides the message
Im Zuge der Neuaufstellung wird Ihre Position nicht weitergeführt.
As part of the restructuring, your position will not be continued.
Zum 1. Januar nehmen wir eine Preisanpassung vor.
As of 1 January we are making a price adjustment.
Tells it with respect
Ich muss Ihnen leider mitteilen, dass wir Ihnen kündigen. Das hat nichts mit Ihrer Arbeit zu tun.
I'm sorry to have to tell you that we are terminating your contract. It has nothing to do with your work.
Zum 1. Januar erhöhen wir die Preise um acht Prozent. Die Gründe erklären wir Ihnen hier.
From 1 January we are raising prices by eight per cent. Here is why.
