A decision, not a form problem
You already know the forms: Venga! against Vieni!, Come sta? against Come stai?. Here the question is the one that comes first: which of the two does this situation call for, and what happens when you switch.
English gives you nothing to build on. There is one you for your closest friend, your landlord and a judge, and politeness is bolted on around it: could you, would you mind. Italian puts the choice inside the verb, before you have added a single polite word.
The same sentence in both registers
Come stai? Tutto bene?
How are you? All good?
informal
Come sta? Tutto bene?
How are you? All good?
formal
Ti lascio il mio numero.
I'll leave you my number.
informal
Le lascio il mio numero.
I'll leave you my number.
formal
Who gets tu, who gets Lei
There is no hard rule, but there are very reliable habits. They cover almost every situation a learner walks into.
Who gets which form of address
| Person | Form | Note |
|---|---|---|
| Friends, family, children | tu | a given |
| Young people among themselves | tu | usual even between strangers |
| Colleagues | mostly tu | often Lei in big companies and public offices |
| Shop assistants, waiters | Lei | often relaxed in a bar, more formal in a shop |
| Doctors, lawyers, officials, clearly older strangers | Lei | role and age count |
| Forums, social media | tu | even with strangers |
Young people move to tu earlier than people at work.
The capital L
In writing the polite forms traditionally take a capital letter: Lei, La, Le, Suo. It is a courtesy signal, usual in formal letters and emails. In casual chats many people drop it.
Spoken aloud, lei (she) and Lei (you) sound the same. Only the context tells them apart.
Capitals in practice
La ringrazio per la Sua disponibilità.
Thank you for your willingness to help.
email to someone you do not know.
Le scrivo in merito alla Sua richiesta.
I am writing to you regarding your request.
Resto a Sua disposizione.
I remain at your disposal.
Moving to tu
The closest thing English has is please, call me Anna, a small offer of closeness that changes nothing about the grammar. In Italian the same offer rewires the whole conversation. It is made openly, usually by the older or more senior person, and from then on tu holds all the way. If someone uses Lei with you and you would rather they did not, you can offer it yourself.
Proposing, accepting, offering
Diamoci del tu, è più semplice.
Let's use tu, it's easier.
Proposing — literally „let's give each other the tu“.
Possiamo darci del tu?
Can we use tu with each other?
Proposing, gentler as a question.
Volentieri, molto meglio!
Gladly, much better!
Accepting.
Mi dia pure del tu, mi fa piacere.
Please use tu with me, I'd prefer it.
Offering it yourself — pure makes the invitation friendly.
Preferirei restare sul Lei, se non Le dispiace.
I'd rather stay with Lei, if you don't mind.
Staying with Lei.
Register beyond the pronoun
This layer will feel familiar: English draws the same line between Dear Mr Rossi / Yours sincerely and Hi Anna / See you soon. Greetings, word choice and sentence length all shift together, and the gap is wider in writing than in speech.
Formal and informal
| Function | formal | informal |
|---|---|---|
| Written opening | Gentile Signora Bianchi, / Gentile Signor Rossi, | Ciao Anna, / Caro Marco, |
| Spoken greeting | Buongiorno / Buonasera | Ciao |
| Spoken goodbye | Arrivederci / ArrivederLa | Ciao / A presto |
| Written sign-off | Cordiali saluti | Un abbraccio / A presto |
| Request | Le sarei grato/a se potesse confermarmi la data. | Mi confermi la data? |
| Thanks | La ringrazio molto. | Grazie mille! |
