When the order breaks on purpose
Literary prose moves parts of the sentence to places you do not expect them. This creates rhythm, suspense or an echo. Four shifts come up especially often. Recognise them and you read more closely; imitate them and your writing gains a voice.
Hyperbaton: an element is added after the sentence seems finished.
Narrative inversion: place or time first, the subject enters at the end.
Adjective in front: de vertes collines instead of des collines vertes.
Detached adjective: Pâle, il se tut. The quality comes before the subject.
Hyperbaton
The sentence is grammatically complete, then after a comma another element follows, usually with et, ni or mais. That element carries all the weight because it echoes. There is no pronoun for it in the core sentence: it is a genuine addition.
Same statement, two rhythms
Unmarked
La nuit et le froid tombaient.
Night and cold were falling.
Elle était partie sans un regard.
She had left without a glance.
Hyperbaton
La nuit tombait, et le froid.
Night was falling, and the cold.
Elle était partie, et sans un regard.
She had left, and without a glance.
Narrative inversion
In descriptions the text first sets the stage, place or time, and then lets the subject enter. The verb sits in between, usually a verb of being or appearing such as s'élever, se trouver, commencer, apparaître. English does this too (at the bottom of the garden stood an old well), but more rarely.
Au fond du jardin s'élevait un vieux puits.
At the bottom of the garden stood an old well.
Alors commença une longue attente.
Then began a long wait.
Sur la place se pressait une foule immense.
In the square a huge crowd was pressing together.
The adjective as a stylistic device
In everyday French, colour and descriptive adjectives usually follow the noun. Placed in front, they sound subjective and poetic, an impression rather than a statement. Moved before the subject and set off by a comma, the adjective becomes an image that colours the whole sentence.
De vertes collines entouraient le village.
Green hills surrounded the village.
Unmarked: des collines vertes
Une étrange lumière baignait la pièce.
A strange light filled the room.
Pâle, il se tut.
Pale, he fell silent.
Immobile, la ville attendait l'aube.
Motionless, the city waited for dawn.
Build it yourself
Take a neutral sentence and ask: which element should echo, which should set the stage, which should colour it? Then move exactly that one. One shift per sentence is enough.
From neutral to literary
| Neutral | Literary | Device |
|---|---|---|
| Il aimait la mer et l'hiver. | Il aimait la mer, et l'hiver. | Hyperbaton |
| Un chien dormait sous la table. | Sous la table dormait un chien. | Inversion |
| Le silence était profond. | Un profond silence régnait. | Adjective in front |
| Elle se leva, furieuse. | Furieuse, elle se leva. | Detached adjective |
